Journals3
Newest
Gloomy
2 min read
Sooo...
Where to start.
I had a dream last night where I was visiting my grandparents, and my grandad died very early in the morning, or else doing the night. I took my daughter to bed and then lifted my mourning grandmother, who weighed about the same. I set her on her bed and just held her.
No one else in the family had heard yet and kept asking when grandad was going to get up. And every time they asked, I cried.
It's not a dream that was out of no where. I actually leave in a few hours to visit him in Bountiful, Utah. I don't expect him to last to see May, and almost certainly not June. I'm fully prepared to go to a funeral while I'm out there this week if it comes to that. It's been hard. Here I am at 33 and I've never dealt with the death of anything more significant than a guinea pig (though let me tell you, i cried for that, dammit). I havent been sure how to feel. But when I pray about him, I feel like breaking down and crying.
Grandad has lived a long life. He learned Chinese to aid in intelligence during World War II -- and he was in Hawaii when Pearl Harbor was attacked. He's raised 7 children, and has something on the order of 25 grandchildren and at least a dozen great-grandchildren. He's nearly 90 now. He's been a good, church-going man and has been a solid rolemodel for me.
What is it? Does this make me even more adult? Now I know one more thing to write about? I can now speak intelligently to the subject of grief? Is that what this is good for? Should I just break down and let it all out? I don't know.
Anyway, there's other stuff I was goign to mention, but I don't feel like it now.
Sorry I've been so long without a deviation. I have tons of pics in my camera, I just haven't gotten to it. Since I'll be out of town for a week, don't expect any before then. Peace.
Where to start.
I had a dream last night where I was visiting my grandparents, and my grandad died very early in the morning, or else doing the night. I took my daughter to bed and then lifted my mourning grandmother, who weighed about the same. I set her on her bed and just held her.
No one else in the family had heard yet and kept asking when grandad was going to get up. And every time they asked, I cried.
It's not a dream that was out of no where. I actually leave in a few hours to visit him in Bountiful, Utah. I don't expect him to last to see May, and almost certainly not June. I'm fully prepared to go to a funeral while I'm out there this week if it comes to that. It's been hard. Here I am at 33 and I've never dealt with the death of anything more significant than a guinea pig (though let me tell you, i cried for that, dammit). I havent been sure how to feel. But when I pray about him, I feel like breaking down and crying.
Grandad has lived a long life. He learned Chinese to aid in intelligence during World War II -- and he was in Hawaii when Pearl Harbor was attacked. He's raised 7 children, and has something on the order of 25 grandchildren and at least a dozen great-grandchildren. He's nearly 90 now. He's been a good, church-going man and has been a solid rolemodel for me.
What is it? Does this make me even more adult? Now I know one more thing to write about? I can now speak intelligently to the subject of grief? Is that what this is good for? Should I just break down and let it all out? I don't know.
Anyway, there's other stuff I was goign to mention, but I don't feel like it now.
Sorry I've been so long without a deviation. I have tons of pics in my camera, I just haven't gotten to it. Since I'll be out of town for a week, don't expect any before then. Peace.
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New Around Here -- and elections
2 min read
So I took the plunge and actually subscribed.
That's it!
No, wait!
Now I get to play around with CSS and so on and so forth. I suppose I'll be adding a footer and header eventually.
You'll note that I added five pics to the gallery.
And now I intend to ignore DA for the rest of the week so I can write a program in PHP that will make it so I can be more productive. This is my my way of being productive: deciding I need to get on the ball and accomplish some things, therefore I should work on something completely different.
And don't you even DARE tell me that you work any differently.
I think what's really happening is that I want to stop paying attention to the election. Both the senatorial candidates are assholes. Actually. there's a third "Independent Green" candidate, but she's obviously stupid -- with no position on Iraq: when asked about it, she starts talking about commuter trains. I wonder if they decided to run an asylum inmate to see if we notice.
Anyway, off to program.
That's it!
No, wait!
Now I get to play around with CSS and so on and so forth. I suppose I'll be adding a footer and header eventually.
You'll note that I added five pics to the gallery.
And now I intend to ignore DA for the rest of the week so I can write a program in PHP that will make it so I can be more productive. This is my my way of being productive: deciding I need to get on the ball and accomplish some things, therefore I should work on something completely different.
And don't you even DARE tell me that you work any differently.
I think what's really happening is that I want to stop paying attention to the election. Both the senatorial candidates are assholes. Actually. there's a third "Independent Green" candidate, but she's obviously stupid -- with no position on Iraq: when asked about it, she starts talking about commuter trains. I wonder if they decided to run an asylum inmate to see if we notice.
Anyway, off to program.
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No New Stuff and NaNo
2 min read
Yikes. I have, actually, taken a number of photos since July (when I posted Prayer: www.deviantart.com/deviation/3… . I just haven't uploaded them. Just two days ago I took a number of pictures from the Old Post Office, as well as some of the Capital Building and some other stuff. However, I just haven't.. uploaded. I'm like a retard when it comes to that. You can ask the folk at TWG www.timewastersguide.com about that and they'll confirm this. For some reason, it takes effort to upload/publish the created work.
As a side thought, I'm not one for T&A movies. I'd just rather watch something more... interesting. So when I saw Showgirls I was surprised. I was expecting it to be all naked boobs, with butts thrown in for variety. And well, honestly there's a whole lot of that. However, someone actually took their time when they wrote and directed this. And the majority of the acting was pretty good (there are some noteable exceptions).
Anyway, NaNoWriMo. 90% of the art I make is wordsmithery. I write much more often than I take pictures. Yet all my DA submissions are photography. Mostly because of how I feel about online self-publication. For some reason I feel putting your own fiction up is less... legitimate.... than the visual arts. This stance is arguable, clearly, and I hope no one yells at me for that. Anyway, I say all this because it's November First. We're more than 13 hours into National Novel Writing Month. I completed the 50k words in '03 and '04. Tried last year but I was writing the wrong story, and stopped about halfway through. And I've been telling myself for months that I'm not going to do NaNoWriMo this year. But the day has arrived, and... I ... I want to write. I really should finish the second draft of this other novel, but I want to just bust out new creative work. I'm trying to convince myself I shouldn't do it, because it will ultimately be less productive, but I'm not really listening to myself right now. Fortunately, I really only have a setting idea, and not really a plot to go with it, so instead I'm revising.
But still...
I need help.
As a side thought, I'm not one for T&A movies. I'd just rather watch something more... interesting. So when I saw Showgirls I was surprised. I was expecting it to be all naked boobs, with butts thrown in for variety. And well, honestly there's a whole lot of that. However, someone actually took their time when they wrote and directed this. And the majority of the acting was pretty good (there are some noteable exceptions).
Anyway, NaNoWriMo. 90% of the art I make is wordsmithery. I write much more often than I take pictures. Yet all my DA submissions are photography. Mostly because of how I feel about online self-publication. For some reason I feel putting your own fiction up is less... legitimate.... than the visual arts. This stance is arguable, clearly, and I hope no one yells at me for that. Anyway, I say all this because it's November First. We're more than 13 hours into National Novel Writing Month. I completed the 50k words in '03 and '04. Tried last year but I was writing the wrong story, and stopped about halfway through. And I've been telling myself for months that I'm not going to do NaNoWriMo this year. But the day has arrived, and... I ... I want to write. I really should finish the second draft of this other novel, but I want to just bust out new creative work. I'm trying to convince myself I shouldn't do it, because it will ultimately be less productive, but I'm not really listening to myself right now. Fortunately, I really only have a setting idea, and not really a plot to go with it, so instead I'm revising.
But still...
I need help.
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